Edgar’s testimony: “what if marriage could resolve my problem?”
Here is Edgar’s testimony, liberated from pornography and masturbation thanks to the french therapy Coeur Hackeur.
Edgar, 33yrs old, was accompanied by Tanguy for 5 months. He was addicted to masturbating and to pornography, and had been so since his adolescence.
How it began
During adolescence, masturbation became a ritual for him: like all addictions, Edgar needed his ‘dose’ in order to go to sleep, release frustrations, or even reward himself after a great day. He’d managed to convince himself that he wasn’t hurting anyone, and this made him carry on. He’d established a routine: picking up a magazine or book containing erotic images, he ran them over and over again in his mind. This fuelled his quest for “always more”.
Back then, he didn’t take what adults said seriously, when they would remind him of the importance of self-control, even in situations when it seemed hard. It seemed impossible to him, old-fashioned and above all, groundless. He wasn’t the only one to think like this; his friends agreed with him too.
Like a drug
Edgar had easy access to the internet. Because of this, things accelerated. He went quickly from simple pictures of lingerie, to photos, then to pornographic videos. He had the perfect technique: he would memorise the website addresses, and delete the last few hours of internet history, so as not to leave any trace. He admits it himself: “I was behaving like a drug addict”. He would hide, stuck in his endless search, and worse than this, he was in total denial of his addiction.
During that period, he found it hard to have serious relationships, understanding only later, what the reason behind it was: casual flings had become enough for him, sexually speaking.
Growing older, Edgar joined the Marines. During one particular mission lasting several months, he was living in close proximity with others, and so he wasn’t able to masturbate in his bed or in the communal showers. To his misfortune, one night, he had a “wet dream”, and this made him feel incredibly embarrassed.
From that moment on, he shut himself up in the belief it was better to ‘discharge himself’, and avoid having this kind of accident again. Contrary to the practise of his Marine comrades, Edgar refused to pay for prostitutes. In his view, it was like bargaining love. He even refused to see a prostitute paid for by another Marine, who was putting him under pressure and trying to force him to be like the others. He managed to get hold of pornographic videos on his hard drive and so continued to pleasure himself alone, in front of these images, convincing himself it was normal.
An addiction Incompatible with couple life
At the age of 28yrs, Edgar kept the hope alive of having a serious and stable relationship. He realised that compulsive masturbation and pornography use were incompatible with couple life and a fulfilling sexual life. This is where his motivation for stopping came from; for the good of a future relationship. He thought he would be able to just stop using it, like it was cigarettes. Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t work out and the girl he was with, left him.
A single man once more, Edgar picked up his old habits, thinking he would solve the problem when he was married. His pornography consumption was more and more orientated towards increasingly trash images, even more violent and sickening than before. He was suffering deeply; he felt dirty and alone. He believe it would be totally impossible to stop.
Understanding the need to get help
One day, he met the woman of his dreams, a young lady, still a virgin, who’d stopped masturbating completely during adolescence. Virginity and self-control: two things in which he no longer believed! Yet, here she was, living-proof it was possible, and she gave him hope.
His partner orientated him towards Tanguy. He refused initially, out of pride, but after continuous relapses, and discussions with his girlfriend, he understood the double necessity of stopping before they got married, and of needing help to stop.
Tanguy suggested really concrete measures which would secure his environment and his daily schedule, and avoid slip ups. He helped him reflect on and find good reasons for no longer escaping into compulsive behaviours. Edgar realised that ‘wet dreams’ were actually normal and how his fiancé preferred that, to him searching for secretive and out of control, solitary pleasure. He learnt how to bounce back after a relapse and to leave his isolation behind. He finally understood that in thinking he wasn’t hurting anyone, he was in fact hurting himself the first.
Today he is married and delivered from this addiction. He still experiences difficulties from time to time, but he no longer feels permanently a slave to compulsive behaviours. Obviously, he must remain vigilant for the rest of his life, to avoid falling into the traps society tends to put out for us everywhere (adverts, Internet, etc.). But he has accepted this and in his view, it’s well worth it!
Do you too want to receive help from heaven to get rid of this addiction? We are here for you, via the chat to listen and answer your questions:
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