How to stop watching porn: 10 techniques
Top 10 unfailing techniques to stop using porn.
“Just stop watching it!” someone has undoubtedly said this to you before, or maybe you often repeat it to yourself. As if it were simply a question of deciding… To stop watching porn is of course a choice. But it doesn’t happen by clicking your fingers and willpower alone is not enough.
So, just for you, here are the top 10 techniques to stop watching it. Each one of these techniques is a rung on the ladder helping you rediscover your freedom.
This article is written just as much for men as for women.
- Talk about it
This may seem a little simplistic, but it’s the foundation stone. Freeing yourself from pornography begins by addressing the subject, giving words to what’s going on, the difficulties, the realisations, the suffering. Talking about it enables you to shine a light on a habit which is so often our dark little secret. By keeping it to yourself you risk developing a parallel life, and the habit of lying: hiding this part of your life can become an obsession. In short, talking about your pornography consumption will liberate you and put you in the right disposition for stopping.
- Install blockers
If you want to radically increase your chances of stopping, and dramatically reduce the time you spend in front of porn, I recommend you put blockers in place, on all devices that can access the internet, whether it be your personal computer, professional computer, your smartphone, tablet… There are excellent systems that exist, like Covenant Eyes or Cold Turkey. These systems aren’t the whole solution but they will help you become habituated to not giving in to the smallest sexual urge.
- Cultivate a healthy life-style
Sometimes porn erupts into our lives for one very simple reason: biology. Yes, our way of life has direct consequences on our consumption of pornography. Don’t be surprised that you watch porn if you’re often going to bed late, or if you don’t have a regular eating pattern, or you don’t do any sport. Taking care of yourself and your rhythm/style of life is the second key stone in structuring your liberty. Fix a sleep routine, take up a sport that you like doing, and start cooking more instead of giving in to fast food. Simply speaking: take back control of your daily life. These three ingredients will have an impact on your pornography consumption. They have an effect on your physical, psychological and emotional state and will make the task of controlling your urges easier.
I suggest starting with:
- Going to bed at 11pm
- Getting up at 7am
- Going running every day
- Stop snacking
Once these new habits are in place; physical tensions, frustrations and set-backs will have a less powerful effect on you, and will lead you into porn less easily.
- Do some research
We aren’t the only ones questioning the place of porn in our life. A lot of people have trodden this path before you. Some have developed brilliant resources: whether they be researchers, experts, witnesses, ex-addicts… the internet is also a virtuous tool where you can easily find content to give you the intellectual and mental weapons you’ll need in facing your urges. Here are a few questions to help start your research: Do you know who is really hiding behind all the videos? What strings are being pulled in the pornography industry? How does its business model function? Just a few examples, but I’ll leave you to start your own research like any good internet surfer from the 21st Century.
- Identify patterns
You’ve probably already noticed that you watch porn at particular times of the day, in particular situations, after certain events… Maybe you’ve put into place a codified ritual with your own rules and ways of practicing. Every consumer has their own pattern. Are you aware of yours? Sometimes the reasons we watch porn aren’t clear. In any case, there are times we are more disposed to watching it. Write them in a journal, your battle book. Every day, look at what is « going on ». Firstly, note what you observe: places, times of day, and the context of each one of these relapses. Then, try and analyse what is happening: why did I desire to watch it?
- Identify preconceived concepts
You might be saying to yourself, you’re done-for, there’s no exit door to this. That’s false. Your body has become used to porn. It can just as well become “un-used” to it. Do you believe what you’ve just read? Deep inside each one of us there are certain beliefs we need to identify and deconstruct. The objective of this step is to change the way you see your relationship with porn. Note down in your journal all the preconceived ideas you manage to identify within you. If you need, talk to a friend about it. This will help you to really put your finger on it.
I’ll give you a few examples:
- I’ll never be able to stop watching porn because I’m too weak
- I watch porn from time to time because it teaches me how to be better in bed
- I need porn to manage my sexual urges
- I have wounds that go too deep to be able to give up pornography
- I’ll never be able to get a girlfriend/boyfriend, I’m condemned to watching porn whenever I have a sexual urge
- Porn helps me to manage my negative emotions, I can’t give it up or I’ll have an episode or it’ll make me go through something that’s too painful
- The men of today have to watch porn otherwise they’re not virile
- I am dirty because I watch porn and I’m a woman
There are hundreds of these… It’s up to you to identify the ones in you.
- Identify the wounds
You now understand the reasons we watch porn are sometimes difficult to explain. You’re successful in everything, you’re happy and fulfilled and yet you sometimes feel the irrepressible need to watch porn. Clearly, sometimes there are simple factors, of a biological nature, for example:
“I see an advert in the street, it awakens a sexual urge in me, I get home, I open my computer and I masturbate compulsively.”
This is when a relapse is easier to explain and understand. But, there are also underlying causes, linked to our personal history and the first few years of our life. We’re talking about emotional wounds which orientate us towards attitudes of self-protection when faced with suffering similar to that endured at the time of the wound. This could be a wound of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, injustice or humiliation. The vast majority of us are affected by these wounds. Pornography often intervenes as a painkiller or an emergency escape when the effects of these wounds make themselves too present or felt too much. I advise you to dig deeper by reading books and why not consider a therapist?
- Consult a specialist
At this point, it’s important to be able to lean on the insight, the listening ear and the wisdom of a specialist. You can do a lot by yourself and I would even say it’s good to experience the solitude of the combat of getting rid of pornography, to draw as many solutions as possible from within you. But then, it becomes clear we can’t go very far without a companion on our journey, someone we can confide in. But after this, this friend is too involved in your life to help you make the following step.
For this you’ll need to see a professional; a man or woman who has experience in accompanying people towards freedom from pornography. This could be a psychologist, a sex therapist, an addiction doctor, a gynaecologist, anyone who is trained for it. This person will help you break your standard thought patterns, take a bit of distance, question certain interior beliefs, engage differently with the subject, undo certain knots…
- Read also : Is counseling a must for the porn addict?
- Get out and see people
For some people, the consumption of pornography can go with a certain form of isolation or at least a preference for solitude. The reasons for this are diverse, shame, fear of how others perceive you, self-deprecating thoughts, more general fears… In all cases, I recommend you make the effort of reaching out to others and developing your social life, whether it’s through your professional network, university, sport, or any other sort of hobbies or activities. If you don’t have a network like this, it’s up to you to find an activity that you like and which enables you to meet people at the same time. Prolonged isolation and solitude create conditions which encourage relapse. Tell yourself as a general rule, when facing urgings to watch porn, you are stronger when you are not alone. Maybe it’s time for you to get a housemate if you live by yourself…
- Take a cold shower
The ultimate wildcard to play, a major trump: the cold shower. In a critical emergency, anything goes. A cold shower is like a nuclear weapon. You can use it as an effective dissuasion device by making it a rule to have a cold shower if the rest isn’t working. It’ll have an instant vasoconstrictor effect in your body, meaning your blood vessels contract on contact with the cold water in an effort to preserve heat. This will instantaneously relieve any physical sexual tensions and evacuate stress. It’s your ultimate safe-guard, and it’s up to you how you use it…
Until next time, as the adventure continues…
If you need to talk about these techniques, we’re there for you via the chat (free and anonymous).
Bonus : ask for a deliverance prayer!
Warning, this is not a magical formula, but it can help a lot, and, if God wants it, it can heal you too!
If you want to receive help from heaven to get rid of this addiction, we are here to pray with you and ask Carlo Acutis for his intercession:
Going further: