Masturbation, what’s the problem? Last night, Văn Sinh N. left us this message on the contact page of SOSPorn:

“Help me overcome masturbation. Thank you so much.”

We can clearly see through this example: a man asking for help…

What is masturbation ?

Masturbation is the solitary pursuit of sexual pleasure through arousal of genital parts. It’s frequent at adolescence when sexual urges start appearing. It can be supported by fantasies, consumption of pornography, etc. There is always a link between porn and masturbation, even if this is not true of the opposite.

But what’s the problem?

The real problem with masturbating, is the pursuit of pleasure centred on ourselves, without a real relationship nor true tenderness.

This can provoke an obsession or a guilt which will poison your life!

Masturbation is also an escape from or over-compensation for certain frustrations: loneliness, lack of love, etc; It can hide a secret wound. But masturbation is not the solution. It’s the contrary, it imprisons us in the problem. It’s a quick escape… and for Christians it’s a sin because it cuts us off from the love of God, source of all love.

 

Two tendencies TO AVOID:

1. TRIVIALISING masturbation like it’s a necessary part of looking after your body or a normal and positive way of discovering your sexuality.

Masturbation is not harmless!

2. DRAMATISING masturbation like it’s the dirtiest and most shameful thing ever. No: our body is beautiful and pleasure is justified!

The problem is not then physical, but mental:

1. If it becomes a habit, masturbation weakens our personality (dependency). It affects our sense of fulfilment because of sexual obsession, the feeling of failure, or guilt.

2. Masturbating can also paralyse our romantic relationships through its pursuit of individual and climactic pleasure instead of living a true RELATIONSHIP based on love and shared pleasure. This can cause a partner to suffer deeply.

And you, what do you think? Come and talk about it with us through the live chat’ (anonymous and free discussion):

Going further:

• What’s wrong with masturbation ?
• Porn and masturbation, the same battle?
• Liberated from pornography by Carlo Acutis

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Source: response freely adapted for Sosporno.net/Sosporn.org from a page in the booklet for teenagers Succeed in your sentimental and sexual life, Brother Jean-Benoît Casterman, Editions des Beatitudes.

We often hear that masturbation is good for the human body, but certain people say it’s harmful, so what’s the truth?

Reconditioned stimulus

Despite what numerous contemporary sexologists are saying, everything points to masturbation being detrimental for men, just as for women, and now it’s even been proven scientifically. If you’ve ever followed a psychology lesson, you’ll probably have heard of Pavlov’s dog. The doctor rang a bell every time he was getting ready to feed his dog. By doing this, he made his dog associate the bell with food, and the animal would start producing saliva just by hearing it ring. This is what we call a conditioned stimulus.

The human mind can be moulded in the same way. In fact, the pleasure centre is the easiest part of the brain to train. In anatomy, this is called the “medial preoptic area (MPA)”; and when the body feels a surge of pleasure, such as during any erotic activity, this zone is stimulated.

According to the research of Dr Douglas Weiss, when a person is sexually excited, the brain releases endorphins which cause the MPA to associate its happiness with whatever it’s doing, seeing, smelling, etc. at that very moment. Unconsciously, a link is made between an image, a perfume, or a particular individual, and the feeling of sexual satisfaction. (It’s one of the reasons pornography magazines contain perfume testers).

During climax, this link is strengthened even more by the release of the neuropeptide hormone, Oxytocin. This is also responsible for creating an attachment between lovers, when they act on their feelings. If a person is alone, it also creates a mental bond, but this time with a fantasy being. However, this process of getting closer to someone can be damaged by occasional erotic stimulation.

This scientific discovery throws new light on Paul’s words: “Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, “The two shall be one flesh.” But anyone united to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Shun fornication! Every sin that a person commits is outside the body; but the fornicator sins against the body itself” (1 Cor 6:16-18).

Stimulation and delusions caused by masturbation

When a person experiences pleasure by masturbation and lusting over an imaginary person, their brain becomes accustomed to being stimulated by fantasies born from their own mind. If their mind identifies these mental images as the source of its enjoyment, it’ll of course end up distancing the person from their spouse(x). But where will it take them? A partner is not a dreamed-up image with which you can play, but a real human being with their own personality, their own feelings and emotions, etc.

However, instead of experiencing pleasure with some who’s real, in a marriage bed, the individual in the habit of masturbating can be driven to find arousal in his thoughts/illusions, even when they’re trying to make love with their partner. Sometimes, men and women can be projected into something more than their imagination. This can lead them into adultery, to visit strip clubs, watch pornography, or establish a disordered lust for people in an attempt to satisfy their desires. Sometimes, a masturbation habit can carry on into a marriage, as it attempts to answer these “needs”.

Condemned to a dysfunctional marriage?

Now, this doesn’t mean that if you’ve experienced pleasure before, with someone other than your husband or wife, then you’re condemned to a dysfunctional marriage. However, it does mean you’ll have obstacles to get over which others, who haven’t experienced such things, can ignore. The brain can be re-educated, but it’ll take time, proportionate to the depth at which your lust is rooted.

Simply speaking, this all demonstrates how God’s plan for our sexuality is, in fact, engraved into our anatomy. When people decide to live according to God’s truths, their body naturally associates sexual joy with their spouse and not with anything or anyone else. God designed our bodies to be anchored into a couple, where spouses are physiologically attracted to each other. Their minds were programmed to be this way and their marriage reinforces it.

As the Bible says: “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for sharing with strangers. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. May her breasts satisfy you at all times; may you be intoxicated always by her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, by another woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For human ways are under the eyes of the Lord, and he examines all their paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare them, and they are caught in the toils of their sin. They die for lack of discipline, and because of their great folly they are lost.” (Prov. 5:15–23)

We are available to talk with you and/or pray with you via the chat (anonymous and free):

Going further:

• “How and why, I stopped masturbating”
• Masturbation, what’s the problem?
• Hom to stop masturbating ? 8 ways to break out of it !

What’s wrong with masturbation?

Masturbation, is it bad? What’s wrong with doing it?

Isn’t it getting rid of temptations without dragging anyone else into sin?

Masturbation doesn’t “get rid of” temptations, any more than prostitution does. Both provide a temporary satisfaction of sexual desires; but our objective as Christians is not simply to eliminate lust, but to glorify God with our bodies.

The idea that masturbation can be used to decrease sensuality, is like saying a few drops of water can put out a housefire. On the contrary, masturbation incites lewd thoughts and drives a person to imagine they have the right – and the need – to satisfy them as soon as the desire arises.

Stop trivialising of your sexual needs

In order to understand why masturbation is bad, we have to take a step back and stop trivialising our sexual “needs”. It seems to be admissible in this day and age, and across the whole world, to satisfy every tiny desire we may have, instead of coming back to the original plan thought out by God.

Sexuality is meant to be a gift between husband and wife, helping to unify them and to give them children. When it’s taken out of this context, the gift is lost, and when it concerns masturbation, it ceases entirely to be a gift. The aim of eroticism is warped, because the centre of the sexual act becomes “me” and not “us”; and the person is practically driven to turning only towards themselves. The gift of sexuality is misused as a drab relaxation method, self-centred and void of life.

When people abuse their sexuality in this way, they may start trying to use it as a way to better their mood, relax, or to forget their loneliness. Masturbation becomes an escape route. It can ease things, but it’ll never fully satisfy them. They use the fantasies of the mind and pleasures of the body to run away from reality and its invitation to love. The objective of sexual activity has been reduced to simply receiving sexual pleasure, and is no longer an invitation to give ourselves in love. If men and women get used to using their lust in this way, why would it change suddenly once they’re married?

The husband or wife will simply continue, using their partner as a substitute for relieving their fantasies. The problem is that lust is exercised at the expense of the other, and so won’t be healed inside you.

Moreover, if the person is in the habit of using sex as a means to manage their stress, they may well continue turning towards all sorts of perversions (pornography, masturbation, infidelity, etc.) as remedies for the restraints associated with marriage. Instead of searching for a solution to their unhappiness, they stop at finding comfort in physical enjoyment.

So, marriage won’t liberate me from masturbation?

Getting married won’t resolve the problem because masturbation triggers disordered urges. The true joys of marriage – although being far superior – cannot satisfy perverted and twisted practices. Often, the person involved will more or less try and continue resisting the urge to masturbate by themselves, despite the sorrow and distress of their partner and to the detriment of their marriage.

Someone who finds it hard keeping their purity intact when they’re alone, will find it hard to stay pure with another. If they can’t master themselves, they’ll be incapable of giving themselves to their partner as they should, when the time comes. You can’t give what you don’t have. So, if you cannot control yourself, you cannot truly give yourself to another. And where there is no self-gift, there’s no love. Therefore, if you want to be able to truly love your partner, you must learn how to dominate your own self.

Even if this addiction seems impossible to get over, we know it’s possible! If you are finding it hard to stop masturbating, we are here to pray for you and with you. Don’t hesitate in talking to us via the chat, it’s anonymous and free:

Going further:

• “How and why, I stopped masturbating”
• Hom to stop masturbating? 8 ways to break out of it!
• Edgar’s testimony: “what if marriage could resolve my problem?”

How do I break the habit of masturbation ? This is a question we only ask when we find ourselves in this situation. Here is some concrete advice, whether you are a Christian or not.

Prayer, patience and perseverance. As soon as you start fighting this battle, know that God rejoices in your desire for holiness and his grace is working in your life: “I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6).

Come to him in prayer and ask him regularly for the gift of purity to specifically get over this addiction. You can also ask us for the prayer of deliverance through the intercession of Carlo Acutis via the live chat’:

The first and best prayer you can offer is that of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. There is enough grace in the Eucharist to make you a saint. Draw from this fountain of virtue! Then, spend more time in personal prayer and talk openly with Jesus about your difficulties. Also pray a Hail Mary three times a day for chastity of spirit, body and heart; go often to the Sacrament of Reconciliation; read the Scriptures; pray the Rosary; follow the Stations of the Cross; and develop a devotion to Saint Joseph. This will establish a truly great arsenal of weapons for fighting against any sin.

When confessing that we masturbate, it’s understandable that numerous people feel too awkward to talk about it. But know this, there is no sin that priests haven’t already heard. It’s not like you’ve discovered and broken an eleventh commandment! Whether you’re a man or a woman, you are not the only one to be in combat with this vice.

If you end up confessing the same thing regularly, don’t hesitate to do so! The Devil will try to discourage you by saying: “Well, well, you’re back in the confessional with the same sin everytime. Why not just abandon it all? You’re never going to win anyway. You’re fighting a losing battle.”

Realise that detrimental thoughts like this are temptations from the Devil, and turn yourself to prayer immediately. Remember, in order to heal, the patient has to show his wounds to the doctor. The confessional is like a medicine cabinet: through the intermediary of the priest, Christ is the doctor, and so it’s the last place the Devil wants to see you go to. You are on the winning team and the Lord won’t let anyone tear you out of his hands. You can’t do it alone, but with the grace of Christ you can do anything: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13).

Of course, if you’re in possession of pornographic material, nude posters or obscene music, get rid of it straight away. In the name of true love, protect yourself against contamination. Replace it all with Christian music, and put pictures of the saints in your bedroom and especially in the places where you habitually fall into sin. If you’re in the habit of watching lots of television, find something else to do, like gymnastics… this will help relax the tensions in your body and make it easier to control it. Television is just laziness filled with temptations which ignite the fires of lust. St. Robert Bellarmin warns us: “Flee idleness, because no one is more exposed to temptation than him who has nothing to do.”

To help yourself grow in self-control, fix yourself objectives which are achievable. For example, make a commitment to not masturbating for three days, one week, one month or whatever length of time you feel is reasonable. Once you’ve managed it, you’ll have more confidence in the ability to control your body. Then, without falling, lengthen the time and abstain for longer. Continue like this until the vice is overcome.

During this trying time, make other little sacrifices. For example, put less salt on your chips, or knock off a few minutes from your mealtimes. These little sacrifices will help you to better control yourself, meaning you’ll grow in self-mastery. After all, we are only slaves to what governs us. It’s the same difference between a jockey who doesn’t have control over his horse, and is left to wildly gallop across parks and gardens, and a jockey who is in control, who can stop his horse on demand and win races. You’ll become a person who is truly alive.

This kind of self-control is difficult, but with the grace of God, anything is possible. If you ask for purity, you will not be left wanting, not even one grace. Be patient with yourself, and don’t let yourself be discouraged. According to Gospel of St. Luke, “By your endurance you will gain your souls” (Luke 21:19). The prize of real love is waiting for those who are truly free, because they are the only ones capable of giving and receiving.

Lastly, it’s useful to identify the factors which contribute to your masturbation habit. Often, we think it’s simply lust, when there are often other causes (like stress, loneliness, boredom, etc.)

We are available to talk and pray with you, talk to us via the chat (anonymous and free).

If you too want to break your masturbation habit, know that God is with you in this combat!

Going further:

• “How and why, I stopped masturbating”
• Masturbation, what’s the problem?
• What’s your view on mutual masturbation?

Stop masturbating? If you are already in the habit of it, you’re probably finding it pretty hard to stop: addiction can take hold very quickly! You may even think that you can’t live without it anymore, which is absolutely false. So, here are a few words of advice to help you break out*:

1. Avoid over-dramatizing the situation or blaming yourself excessively. (“I can’t do it, I’m so bad, I fall again and again, I’ll never be able to stop it I’m not capable, etc.”). This can continue to paralyse you, and make you lose all self-esteem, or any confidence you have in stopping.
2. Try to identify your deepest desire, the one which masturbation is trying to compensate for. Task yourself with responding to it positively, by developing your qualities. If you believe, entrust this project to God. If you don’t, maybe entrust it to people who do, for example via the live chat’ on this website. Entrust your heart and your body to God, as well as your deepest desires, your interior wounds: loneliness, lack of affection, etc. If you are involved with porn, you can also pray or ask for a deliverance prayer on this website. Masturbation is presenting you with a challenge: forge your true personality!
3. Avoid temptations: porn videos or pictures, daydreams, erotic gestures. Don’t tempt the devil in you. To help, read also: I’m obsessed by pornographic images, how do I get rid of them?
4. Share the weight of your problem. Ask advice from a good friend, a professional, your local priest or why not ask a psychologist to accompany you? When you’re able to express the problem you’re facing, and the difficulties you have in resolving it, you’ll lighten your load by 50%! Dialogue and advice can help you break the isolating and vicious cycle of masturbation.
5. REDUCE progressively acts of masturbation. It’s easier to walk up a mountain progressively than to arrive at the summit in one go! SLOWLY, BUT SURELY.
6. Take up commitments in positive activities. Give your energy to cultural activities, sport, social or Catholic activities. It’s not by wrestling with your faults that you’ll overcome them, but rather by developing the qualities you have.
7. Don’t listen to people who push you into having sex in order to avoid masturbating. Pornography and debauchery – or sexual vagrancy – are much more dangerous, much more destructive than masturbation.
8. If you fall, stand your ground: after a time of liberation, there will be moments where temptation comes back in force. Perhaps you’ve courageously managed to renounce casual sexual relationships, but you slip into the habit of masturbation? You’re asking yourself whether you’d be better off taking up sexual encounters again? Masturbation is compensation on a temporary level. No need to worry. It’ll fade out once you’ve discovered love in all its strength!

And, going from small victory to small victory, you’ll end up breaking out of it! If you fall again, tell yourself that you’ve lost a battle, but not the war!

So, what do you think about it? What do think about this advice? Come and talk to us via the live chat’! (Free and anonymous listening service) :

To go further, about porn addiction:

• What’s wrong with masturbation ?
• Masturbation, what’s the problem?
• How do I break the habit of masturbation ?

 

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Source: response freely adapted for Sosporno.net/Sosporn.org from the booklet for teenagers Succeed in your sentimental and sexual life, Brother Jean-Benoît Casterman, Editions des Beatitudes.

Porn and masturbation, are they the same battle? How can we wage this war? Here’s a little piece on the subject, submitted by Xavier.

 

Pornography and masturbation both function on the same principle as drugs. You’re obliged, little by little, to increase the strength of the doses in order to obtain the same effect as the previous consumption. And so, an addiction takes hold. We try to “ease” our conscience by telling ourselves we’re just responding to a natural urge, and that there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s important to think about the origin of these sexual urges, in order to master them, and if we want to break out of being enslaved by them. Becoming aware that it’s a sin (or a misguided distraction, if you prefer, sin being something which cuts us off from the connection with God’s love), and even going to confession (if you’re baptised), is a great first step, but there’s a good chance it won’t be enough. The urges remain strong and will probably cause you to fall again in the face of temptation.

It is interesting to know that the sexual urge – which in the first place is a good thing because it was created by God – does not only have “sexual” origins, linked to needs or desires. It can also be generated by a disruption or imbalance in your life, intentional or unintentional. Becoming aware of this enables you to stop blaming yourself and help you to break free. Here’s a non-exhaustive list of some life disruptions: stress, frustration, tiredness, boredom, lack of self-confidence, and poor personal hygiene. Poor personal hygiene includes excessive consumption of fatty meats, alcohol, sweet treats which “excite” the body, as well as not taking care of your physicality, meaning not doing any sport or not taking the time to relax your body (for example, having a nice bath or massage).

In brief, you need a “healthy spirit in a healthy body”, or even better “the Holy Spirit in a holy body”. Making the decision to pray more and/or go to confession must be reinforced by practicing a sporting activity to evacuate stress, frustration… and so bodily urges too, and introduce a feeling of well-being into your body. You need to replace pornography with a physical activity and/or a hobby, rather than trying to erase it. To be more precise, you need to reduce the intensity of the urges and channel the energy into another specifically chosen activity (organised in advance, if possible), rather than wrestling to contain them. In this way we treat the roots of the problem and not the symptom, which is pornography.

Lastly, we must take into consideration that the context of the society in which we are evolving every day, is unfavourable to purity: adverts, films, ways of dressing, jokes and conversations arouse our urges. We cannot always avoid them, but there’s all the more reason to be extra careful and learn how to turn our eyes away.

What do you think? Do you find it difficult to control your urges? Come and talk about it with us in the live chat! :

 

Going further:

• “How and why, I stopped masturbating”
• What’s wrong with masturbation?
• How do I break the habit of masturbation?